Being an inclusive leader isn’t easy. It’s emotionally demanding, often lonely, and sometimes feels like swimming against the current. When your job is to challenge bias and make systems fairer, it’s easy to reach a point where you question whether you’re the problem. But you’re not – you’re part of the solution by being a disrupter!
Inclusive leadership is deeply meaningful work. Seeing the difference you make in people’s lives can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your career. Yet to sustain yourself and make inclusion a daily practice, there are certain mindsets and habits you’ll need to let go of in order to make the job of reforming systems less a fight and more a source of joy.
Here are ten things to give up to make the journey lighter, more effective, and more joyful.
1. Give up the idea that pace equals productivity
Speed is often celebrated as a sign of high performance – but pace is the enemy of inclusion. Moving too fast leaves no time to pause, reflect, and question whether decisions are fair, whose voice is missing, or what bias might be operating. Inclusive leadership requires deliberate pauses – moments to notice, invite, and integrate difference.
When you slow down, you create space for reflection, empathy, and better decisions – all of which are hallmarks of inclusive practice.
Replace it with: Pause. Reflect. Ask, “Who have we not heard from yet?” Build reflection into your process, not as an afterthought but as an act of inclusion.
2. Give up the need to be true to your values 100% of the time
This sounds counterintuitive, but systems change requires nuance. When you’re trying to reform systems, you’ll often be cast as a disrupter. Those who benefit from the status quo will try to exclude you.
If you’re too rigid, you risk being shut out of the very spaces where change needs to happen.
Replace it with: Strategic authenticity. Stay anchored in your values but flexible in your methods. Sometimes that means adopting the business case for EDI when you’re driven by the human case, or changing your language to meet people where they are. You might even need to lose an argument to win the larger cause. This takes emotional labour – so build support around you.
3. Give up trying to make the world a better place
It’s easy to feel disheartened by the scale of inequality and injustice. The gap can feel insurmountable. When your focus is too broad, despair grows.
Replace it with: Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate the small wins – the person who felt heard for the first time, the colleague who changed their perspective, the team that became just a little braver. Systems shift one conversation, one person, at a time.
4. Give up holding on to guilt
Guilt and shame are natural emotional responses, for example, when we realise we’ve excluded others, misgendered someone, or made a biased assumption. But staying stuck in guilt doesn’t serve growth. You can’t learn from a state of shame.
Replace it with: Gratitude for the reminder of what matters. Say to yourself, “Thank you for reminding me what’s important.” Reflect, learn, and visualise how you’ll act differently next time. Guilt is a signal mechanism, not a sentence.
5. Give up trying to convert everyone
Not everyone’s values will align with yours – and that’s okay. Inclusive leadership isn’t about converting every sceptic. It’s about building critical mass and using your energy and resources wisely.
Replace it with: Focus your time on the movable middle – those who are open but uncertain. Every ally you nurture strengthens the collective voice for change.
6. Give up treating EDI as a purely serious or painful topic
Inclusion work is rooted in addressing harm and injustice, but when we make it only about pain, we create emotional fatigue and push people away. Humour, creativity, and lightness don’t trivialise the cause – they make it sustainable.
Replace it with: Bring play and joy into learning. Use storytelling, humour, or art to spark reflection. For example, laugh together about “microaggressions we’ve all accidentally made” – not to mock them, but to humanise the learning.
7. Give up on wanting to be an inclusive leader all the time
The desire to always be inclusive can quietly become a trap. When we expect ourselves to get it right every moment, we create pressure, guilt, and burnout. Inclusion isn’t a constant state – it’s a practice. There will be days when you’re tired, distracted, or caught in systems that make it harder to live your values. That doesn’t make you a bad leader – it makes you human. Inclusive leadership is messy, emotional, and imperfect. It’s not a badge or a permanent label – it’s something you choose, again and again, through awareness, reflection, and repair.
Replace it with: Self-compassion and consistency. Let go of the need to perform inclusion perfectly. Instead, keep showing up with honesty, curiosity, and courage. Inclusion isn’t about being an inclusive leader all the time – it’s about practising inclusion over time.
8. Give up the lone hero mindset
Trying to lead inclusion alone is exhausting. The work can feel isolating, particularly when you’re met with indifference or resistance.
Replace it with: Community. Find your people – colleagues, mentors, or networks that replenish you. Inclusion thrives on connection; belonging isn’t just for others, it’s for you too.
9. Give up the belief that leadership means always being strong
Inclusive leaders show vulnerability. They acknowledge when they’re tired, when they don’t have the answers, when the emotional labour feels heavy. This humility builds psychological safety and models humanity for others.
Replace it with: Courageous transparency. Say, “I don’t know, but I’m willing to learn.” You’ll be surprised how much that invites others to do the same.
10. Give up neglecting your own wellbeing in the service of others
Inclusion work without wellbeing leads to burnout. As our book Simplifying Inclusive Leadership highlights, leader wellbeing – emotional, cognitive, relational, and physical – is a foundation of inclusion. When you’re depleted, your empathy fades and your biases take over.
Replace it with: Rest, reflection, and recovery. Care for yourself as intentionally as you care for others. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
FAQs: Making inclusive leadership a source of joy, not exhaustion
1. Isn’t “slowing down” a risk in fast-paced organisations?
It can feel that way, but pace is often the enemy of inclusion. When we move too fast, we leave no room to pause, reflect, or notice who’s missing. Slowing down isn’t about reducing productivity – it’s about improving the quality of decisions and relationships. It is about ot defaulting to speed and pausing where possible.
2. How can I stay true to my values when I need to be political?
Changing systems requires strategy as well as conviction. Staying “pure” to your values 100% of the time can isolate you from the spaces where influence is needed most. Anchor yourself in your purpose, but adapt your language and approach to meet others where they are. Flexibility is not compromise – it’s wisdom in action.
3. How do I deal with guilt when I make mistakes or get it wrong?
Guilt is a natural part of the learning process – but staying stuck in it doesn’t help anyone. Use guilt as a compass, not a cage. Acknowledge it, thank it for the reminder of what matters, and move into reflection and repair. A simple tip to help you let guilt go is to write down the lesson learnt from the experience, this gives your brain permission to stop reliving the moment as you know the learning has been captured. Growth doesn’t come from shame; it comes from self-awareness and intentional change.
